Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
Shop deviantART for the
holidays and save BIG!
Click here! :holly:
[x]

deviantART

 
About Me Member General Film Photographer bwana-dik28/Male/Unknown Recent Activity Deviant for 7 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 19 Deviations
194 Comments
6,873 Pageviews

Such Beauty in What I Feel

Thu Jul 20, 2006, 10:23 PM
What a starnge reaction this is...I feel joy in my heart and such intense pain at the same time. I know why this is over, I know it without a doubt. Is this why so many breakups are hideous and hateful with people? Do they not get these same epiphanies that I have gotten? I KNOW!

I know that she does not love me. This sounds like it would make it harder, but it doesn't. It eases me into this new person I will become because I know for a fact that I won't make the same mistakes again; I won't be that person that drover her away anymore. I have changed and I will continue to change.

The pain comes form my knowing that the things that I did caused her to lose this love for me. She was driven away by my anger and hurtfulness, the cruel things I used to say to her out of ignorance and pain. I am listening to that god damn Thom Yorke song again and I am crying like I swore I wouldn't anymore. This si too important to pass up, so i will plow on, even though I can't see my keyboard anymore. God, I felt so good for 2 days, now this.

She is in the other bedroom right now, hearing this song and sobering up. I want her to stay and I want her to leave. I want her to stay away and I want her to come in here and see me crying. I want so fucking much it kills me. I know that I can't have any of it except for the healing that comes from learning from your mistakes. I am coachable. Always have been. I hope this coaching sticks in my brain liek my old body prevented the baseball swing from sticking.

Oh my god how I have fucked things up. Oh my god I have done this to myself. On the off chance you are reading this I hope to God you never feel these things. God how I hope you can learn from your mistakes as tehy happen instead of learning them after they bring the punishment banquet for you. Eat this course, it is loss. Try this one, it is knowledge that you could have done things differently. And the desert.

The desert is knowing that knowing all of that is worthless because it is too late.

There is beauty in this. Pain can be beauty too. Learning is beautiful. Oh my god how I love her and want her back.

deviantID

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: Salt Lake City
  • Interests: Photography=Writing=My R.O.N.D.A.
  • Favourite movie: Fight Club, Blue Velvet, Fisher King
  • Favourite band or musician: Frank Zappa
  • Favourite genre of music: WEIRD
  • Favourite poet or writer: John Irving
  • Favourite style of art: Photo manipulation
  • Operating System: WinXP
  • MP3 player of choice: Winamp
  • Wallpaper of choice: glasswhiz, aqua edition
  • Skin of choice: Ur mom's
  • Favourite game: SWG
  • Favourite gaming platform: PC
  • Favourite cartoon character: Space Ghost
  • Personal Quote: I like Pron!
  • Tools of the Trade: PSPro 7, photoshop, Cannon Rebel

deviantART Community Board

[x]

Comments


:iconcapnregi:
IIIIIII'VE GOT THE THING YOU NEED~
Flagged as Spam
Flagged as Spam
Flagged as Spam
:iconamebaone:
whaklmwaeo9iru;lsamdf9awre'asdlf'apse9ra s;!!

woilkasoerij?

kwajelkaiowj; ljsdfo;ijew

YIPPPEEEEE!!! whoo!

hi. :P
:iconaimeel0o:
omg your id is so hot. haha :fap:
:iconamebaone:
come BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
:iconspyed:
Have you ever had a dream, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?

What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire deviant life, that there's something wrong with the story. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad.

You take the blue pill, the story ends. Your browser closes and you believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland. And, I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.

I offer only the truth, nothing more.

Take: The Red Pill
Take: The Blue Pill

Fella Point Right spyed, nobody has ever done this before.
Ninja Point Right I know. That's why it's going to work.

Do not try and bend the spoon ...

--
The Angry Deviant

:ninja: :meditate: :ninja:

Random Deviant
:icon3nflux:
your brain is a diseased vagina

--
Ill kill You
:iconkaizen:
No problem with the comment mang, (though i'm not sure if the thank you was sarcasm or not)

It doesn't matter though.
I know where you're coming from.

I wasn't meaning to be a jerk.
I try to stay out of it all as much as i can.

That first guy's comment ruffled my feathers a bit. But so does alot of ultra left one-sided rhetoric (not quite as bad as the ultra-right or i should say... ultra-selfish/greedy/money hungry rhetoric).

I'm pretty political... I used to run a little political action group down here in Dallas. I just don't agree with the GOP or the Democratic platform. The libertarian seems to be the most ideal to me, though with the current level of irresponsibility inherent in humankind, it would be a disaster. It's definately something to work toward. I like some of the core values of the greens, but their platform allows for too much of an opportunity to be on the authoritarian end of the spectrum. Even though it seems like that's the way we are already going...

Good luck with it.

--
"what in me is dark, illumine" -Milton

Site Map